Headline: Media Whore Promotes Actual Whore

Famed television Attorney Gloria Allred has lost her mind.  She used to take on important cases and fought for the little guy against bigotry and sexism but now she has taken on the role of mouth piece for ‘The Tiger 13′ (a media term I just coined for Tiger Woods’ 13 affairs).

Ms. Allred has totally gone overboard with Tiger whore #11, Veronica Siwik-Daniels.  I feel especially comfortable calling her a whore because of the line of work she chose before and after meeting Tiger Woods, she was having sex for money on camera.  With which without the camera being present is just plain old whoring.

At a press conference that was scheduled for seconds after the Tiger apology press conference, Ms. Allred sat holding Tiger’s whore #11’s hand and asked why there was no acknowledgment of her client and no direct apology to her.  Is this woman insane?  In the public apology to his wife, whom Tiger a whore himself,  had to make good on the very publicly humiliating deeds he had done to his wife and was supposed to mention this whore by name and then apologize to her too?

Ms. Allred states that ‘rehab will be not be meaningful or effective unless he acknowledges the relationship’ he had with her client. If Tiger has to apologize to every Perkins waitress that he cheated on his wife with, he will have no time to raise his family.  Now lets really get to the reason Ms. Allred wants her client to be personally acknowledged.  This is about money.  He client, Veronica Siwik-Daniels who professionally goes by Joslyn James, claims that she gave up her porn career for Tiger Woods.  Well, he gave up a billion dollars for you and 12 other cheap affairs. What are you going to give him for losing Cadillac and Gillette?

“We are so sorry Ms. James but you may not be in the sequel to Mama Fucked A Black Man (that is actual title of a movie she was in in 2009), because you sullied your reputation by sleeping with the world’s number one golfer” is something that will never be said.  A more likely outcome is that you will star in the next 16 episodic porno movies called Tiger’s Hole In One.

Here is the press conference clip:

Oh Man, this German guy who could be a star on German Jersey Shore gets checked so hard by this bouncer.

Almost every encounter with a bouncer is regrettable because of the awful combination of steroids and a person with a slight position of power.  Rarely do you see a bouncer defuse a situation with his brain.  That is why this clip is so amazing.  Some local German douche bag is acting up and trying to get into a club and the smart bouncer takes him aside to ask a few personal questions.  As it turns out, the smart bouncer is a world class kick boxer that trained the douche bag’s older brother.  Watch how quickly the douche changes his tone when the smart bouncer threatens to call his big brother on him

Sometimes you have to just look back into the internet and say ‘thank you’

Click here  :  Cat hates you

Note for after you have seen clip:  You wouldn’t have to do so many dangerous sit ups if you would just not eat all those Pringles on the counter

At the flea market this weekend I saw an issue of Fortune Magazine from 1934 for sale.  What struck me, other than the beautiful design, was the price.  A year’s subscription in 1934 would cost you $10.  I just looked up how much a subscription would cost in 2010. You guessed it. $10

The actor who played Boner on the 80’s sitcom Growing Pains has gone missing for the the last 4 days. Here are the facts. Missing since Feb 14 ,2010. He was staying in Vancouver with burlesque dancer Jenny Magenta.  His father was Checkov on original Star Trek.  He has been making a living as a camera operator or ‘key grip.’

It’s Headline time! (please feel free to submit your own. This one is like low hanging fruit. Extra credit if you don’t include the word ‘Boner’)

Boner Disappears In Canada

No Boner Since Valentine’s Day

Local Burlesque Dance Loses Boner

Checkov Loses His Son Boner

Boner Still Missing. Detective Viagra On The Case

Raging Boner Runs Wild In Canada

The Techno-Viking is real.  Like Frankenstein, only we are to blame for his creation.  In a world where techno music is played blatantly in the streets of Europe with total disregard for public safty, what did we think was going to happen?

A videographer captured these stunning images of the beast (at about 30 seconds into the clip) and subtitled the video to pay homage to our new overlord.  Grab your pitchfork. I present, The Techno-Viking

I am fully aware that entertainment journalism is not real journalism but if you are a reporter for E! or E.T. or Access Hollywood, you should have some respect for the craft because the word ‘journalist’ is still part of ‘entertainment journalist.’

Over the past seven years or so the line between news and entertainment has been blurred so much so that the break up of Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez was a “Fox News Alert” which are usually only issued for a national crisis.  Luckily we have Access Hollywood’s Maria Menounos who is helping to un-blur that line and remind us that entertainment journalists are just grown up high school kids gossiping in the lunch room.

Here is a clip of her behind the scenes efforts to try and land that big Bode Miller interview at the Winter Olympics.

Step 1: Dress like a a gay Che Guevara (or Gay Guevara if you will)

Step 2: Break all protocol and write a note and slip it in front of his seat before the press conference. Be sure to add smiley faces (I am not kidding here)

Step 3: After being rejected by a guy who doesn’t respond to your cuteness, humiliate yourself at the actual press conference and do a cutesy walk up to Bode Miller and hand him a note like an 8th grader. He is bound to respect your journalistic integrity now. Especially with the smiley faces (I am not kidding again)

Step 4: Keep smiling at the camera and wait for Fox News to call

Have you ever wanted two fake Mickey Mouse looking arms to wrap around yourself to remind you just how lonely you really are?

Well, you are in luck. Introducing Valentine’s Day shame gift of the millennium.  The Hug E Gram.

Seriously, how pissed would you be if you got this? When would you ever wear it? I am embarrassed for anyone who thinks this is “the warmest most personal gift that you can share.” A hand grenade is a warmer and more personal gift. Go hug yourself!

Here are a few things I figured out while watching TV last night:

The show Kell On Earth is about a team of people trying to make a list or something. It’s not exactly Lost in it’s complexity, but it is fun to watch them try and do things.

The band The Monkees were such a colossal rip off of The Beatles that they even spelled their names a bit funkier than the actual word than their names are normally spelled like.

That figure skating move that looks like this… is called “the camel.” Now how would it ever get a name like that?

Also on the skating front, the Russian pairs team Kavaguti and Smirnov that were expected to win last,  make a better name for a drink then they did a skating pair as they fell down two times.  They spent so much time off their skates the headline tomorrow in Russia should be Kavaguti and Smirnov On Ice.

Zing!