Evander Holyfiend

This week two time heavyweight world champion boxer Evander Holyfield (allegedly) struck his wife a few times. The root of their dispute was that she refused to show him the check stubs of the money she donated to their church, run by Creflo Dollar (a real person). Evander, like most retired boxers, has been experiencing some money problems. He is allegedly behind on child support (11 kids), his 54,000 sq ft mansion had the power cut off. With a wife that giving away money that you do not have to a preacher who’s last name is Dollar, I can see why a man who made a living punching things might have gone off and punched someone.

The Cincinnati Bengals

The Cincinnati Bengals had a busy week. The Bengals have a (bad) reputation for collecting players who accrue “legal issues”. In 2006 alone, 8 (of the 53 man roster. That is 15%) players were arrested on charges from boating while intoxicated to pulling a gun on a group in Orlando. Just this last season their 2nd best wide receiver was killed after jumping on the back of a speeding truck in the middle of a domestic dispute. Well it looks like they decided to reinforce their bad name by working out Pac Man Jones (too many legal issues to mention) and signing wide receiver Matt Jones (2 illegal substance arrests, was in a jail cell within the last 12 months).

The NBA

2 weeks ago we disapproved of the NFL’s decision to showcase their logo on the small of the back of the 2010 Pro Bowl jersey, because of, you know, tramp stamps. Well apparently the NBA liked what they saw, because their 2010 All Star outfits featured their logo just below the waist on the back of the shorts, which is exactly where the more reserved (but equally deserved) Jessica Alba edition tramp stamp goes.

The Winner is….

The Bengals, at least Holyfield is punch drunk, what is their excuse for hiring two criminals one of which can’t even stay on a reality show with out being asked to leave? (Pac Man Jones was kicked off 2 NFL teams and the TV show Jocks vs Joes.)   It’s not like the Bengals are a dynasty like the University of Miami or the Cowboys the 90’s where a winning program could make you over look cocaine abuse, a few gun charges and smashing a strippers head into the dance floor for taking too many singles.  They stink on ice.

Bryant McKinnie, Offensive Tackle, Minnesota Vikings:

When Bryant McKinnie was selected for the 2010 NFL Pro Bowl, pundits screamed that he was wholly undeserving of the honor. McKinnie proved them right, and then some, by going AWOL in Miami and not showing up to practice. He was kicked off the team the day before the game, forfeiting his chance at earning the $45,000 winners share, and leaving his teammates in a bind. McKinnie obviously has no shame, as evidenced by the fact that he performed cunnilingus on a woman infront of the boat crew and guests on the infamous 2005 Minnesota Viking Sex Boat Scandal, but now he has dug himself into another kind of hole.

The National Football League:

As terrible an idea it was to move the Pro Bowl to the week before the Super Bowl, the NFL made an even bigger blunder this year. They decided the best place to showcase the 2010 Pro Bowl Logo was on the small of the back, exactly where a tramp stamp would go. If there weren’t enough reasons already to not watch the Pro Bowl, now you have to worry that it can turn your child into this;

Paul Shirley:

It takes a big man to kick Haiti when its down, and professional basketball player/blogger Paul Shirley is 6′10. Shirley, who has played on 13 different professional teams, took it upon himself to write a scathing letter to the people of Haiti in the wake of the massive earthquake that killed 200,000 people. Here are some of the highlights:

“…I don’t give money to homeless men on the street…. I don’t think the people of Haiti will do much with my money either.”

“As we prepare to assist you in this difficult time, a polite request: If it’s possible, could you not re-build your island home in the image of its predecessor? Could you not resort to the creation of flimsy shanty- and shack-towns? And could some of you maybe use a condom once in a while?”

And the winner of the Self Un-Aware Asshole Of The Week is (drumroll) Paul Shirley. Those Haitians need to pick themselves up out of the rubble and by the boot straps and become professional basketball players, because thats what he did!