John Mayer. Stop Saying Words

After years of shunning media interviews, singer John Mayer decided to do one with Playboy Magazine.   In this interview, that was less of an interview and more of a King Lear monologue, he broke the cardinal rule of celebrity dating; he kissed and told. And told and told.  He said that having sex with Jessica Simpson was like crack cocaine to him and if having more sex with her meant he that had to sell all his shit, then he would sell all his shit.

The first rule of dating a celebrity is that you NEVER talk about it.  Not because you care about someone’s feelings, but because of self preservation.  You want to continue having sex with other celebrities and as soon as a celebrity catches wind that you are talking about it, they shut you down like Andy Dick at a bar at 4 a.m.  (this is not the case however if their celebrity is lesser than yours. See: Anyone Andy Dick has dated M or F)

Mayer also dabbled into another celebrity taboo, race.  The last time I heard about race in Hollywood was when Spike Lee challenged Clint Eastwood as to why there were no black people in Flags Of Our Fathers to which Clint simply laid the smack down with a little direction for Spike to “shut his face!”  (Clint made Bird in the 80’s and wasn’t going to listen to that crap).  Mayer, however, said that people asked him what it was like to have a ‘hood pass’ after his work on Chappelle’s Show.  He pulled an honest Clint Eastwood move and said in the interview that if you are going to say it, then call it by its name “a nigger pass.”  Now I have personally used the expression ‘hood pass’ and I meant ‘hood pass’ and it described exactly the situation I was trying to explain. It never occurred to me to throw the word nigger in there because it doesn’t make it more applicable, it just makes it more offensive (not that hood pass isn’t offensive, because it is).  But he went on to explain that he could never have this said ‘pass’ because he never ‘walked into a restaurant, asked for a table and been told, “we’re full.’ ”  Of course you haven’t. Neither has Jamie Foxx. That’s because you’re both celebrities.

Now on the surface both his comments are thought provoking and a bit funny.  And that is the ultimate problem with this guy, he is actually funny and funny people think that that they are smarter than their audience (often they are because comedy is the art of keeping the listener off balance), but that is also a trap.  Sometimes when your jokes do not go over they just sound like you are being the world’s biggest asshole.  (Again see: Andy Dick)

Below is a video of his apology.  He publicly apologizes on stage to his fans who, with their inane cheering in the wrong places they play the role of Playboy interviewer perfectly.  He seems sincere, but he should just take some Clint Eastwood advice and ’shut your face’ and play the song already.